still missing him loads. and still dreaming about him vividly nearly every night. i woke up last night when i went to kiss my him, turns out it was my pillow. it was such a nice dream too. i also dreamt of the 'old merley' again, i made a wall out of moss that was on a fence, then walked on the path and all around me were unstuck spliffs and i got really angry that the little townies had left them there because it was near a school, very strange.. but still carrying on with my plan, buying cds and things to make me happy, and going out a lot more with peeps, going to play with guns on sunday with kev (not real unfortunately, and they dont use ball bearings anymore either theyre plastic), should be fun. maybe a bit painful if i get one in the face or step on a trip wire as theyre attatched to small grenades. hehe.
oh, and now my mum knows about my dad having a kid with gail, apparently when she found out she just laughed which sounds very silly. and my dad now knows about jeremy, he found out from a family friend, so that probably means lorraine. he's stopping quite a lot of the money he was giving my mum, maybe this will make her wake the fuck up and realise that she needs to be saving money and not spending it on tescos finest ham. dont blame him though, it was probably quite a shock. ahhh, life sucks at the moment. my runes told me that when in deep water, become a diver. wise words help.
job is going good too, not long till i start college which will keep me pretty busy at night. and my dads starting to give me money each month so i dont have to worry about that anymore, its good timing too because my MD player is dying and theres no way i could have afforded a new one. it plays discs like they're in a washing machine that's turned on, which is quite horrible when you're on the bus in the morning trying to ignore the millions of school kids and you can only hear fuzzy guitars that fade in and out of each ear. but it did last many a year so hooray for the poor little thing. think ill give it a burial lol. im gonna go spend some money on amazon and burn some chips and watch a film and drink my 'green square' which i probably wont like but the shop didnt have my usual so i bought the only green one.